Performance Anxiety
by Sei-So
Summary: Haruka contemplates the downsides of having an affectionate best friend.


**AN:** Hola, everybody. First time writer, long time reader. I came up with this little drabble the other night and it bit me until I wrote it. I'd like to dedicate this fic to the amazingly dedicated H/M fan named, Saun. You rock my world. From websites to fanfics, Saun has got it all down. Opening my eyes to the glory of Sera Myu, I am eternally indebted to you.

**Disclaimer:** How weird…I always see these and now I'm writing one. I-no-own-o.

**Performance Anxiety**

There were many downsides to being a full time senshi and a full time student.

"I'm going to take a shower."

Living with your shamelessly attractive partner wasn't one of them.

I nodded in response as Michiru walked toward the bathroom. Removing my jacket, I moved into our kitchen to use this precious alone time to sneak into my stash. Being a tall woman, I've never had trouble hiding things from my partner. It was simply a matter of putting what I wanted to hide out of her eyesight and out of her reach. The perfect spot: on top of the refrigerator. I felt around the dusty plastic until my hand came to touch my slick, cardboard victory. Michiru and I have been living together for close to six months now and one of the biggest adjustments I had to make was adhering to her strict dietary doctrine of "No Cookies Before Dinner." She had read somewhere that the eating patterns you develop in your youth are harder to break later on in life. Why someone would want to live a cookie-less life is beyond me, and the only pattern I had developed is seeking sugary redemption from the top of our 'fridge.

Munching happily on my snack I moved into our living room to watch some television and try to relax before something youma-like inevitably called us away from our home. It's strange to think of how easily I slipped into referring to things in the possessive plural. I've lived most of my life as a bachelor, moving out of my parents' home at a young age and seeking independence wherever I could find it. Solitude had been a fine state to live in for many years. That is, until I met Michiru.

Michiru.

I sighed and thought of my best friend. I would never consider myself a hopeless romantic, dastardly flirt maybe, but not a romantic. But Michiru brought out new feelings and longings within me. I gained many things from my partnership with Michiru. Not only did I have someone who could understand the difficulties of senshi life, but I also had found someone who could understand me. It's amazing the easy routine we found ourselves falling into the months after I had accepted my destiny. It was only rational that we move in together out of convenience. I loved being able to see that smile when I walked into our kitchen every morning. Listening to her violin as I fruitlessly tried to study for my classes. Watching her as she painted her lasted masterpiece, my eyes following the delicate movements of her hands, the look of intensity in her eyes, mentally tracing the slope of her neck and the curve of her sinewy form…

_ Down, girl._ I shook myself out of my Kaioh-induced stupor and groaned as I remembered the feelings that simply observing this girl could rouse within me. I shoveled the remainder of my deviant little cookies into my mouth and reflected on our life together. There was only one negative factor in my relationship with Michiru. My inability to go one day without feeling myself fall into vivid fantasies about how much better our lives _could_ be together if we could _be_ _together_ in every sense. I leaned my head back against the couch, idly flipping channels as I allowed myself to slip once again into lustful thoughts about the Senshi of the Ocean. There was no harm in fantasizing was there? As long as I kept my less than chivalric intentions locked away in my own mind no bad could come of it. I closed my eyes and pictured Michiru's face locked in a flush of passion, her hands pulling me closer to her and arching into me as she reached completion…

"What are you watching?"

_ You coming apart in my arms, _I thought to myself still reveling in the glow of my daydream.

"Haruka?"

What? Oh right, Michiru's actually asking me a question. I blinked and opened my eyes to glance over at her damp figure wrapped in a dangerously short, silky blue robe. Why does she always buy tantalizing items of clothing? Is she trying to kill me? I coughed and looked over to the television to try and decipher what I was watching before I responded.

"Some American talk show, these women are apparently," I squinted at the screen, "…too fat for that?"

Michiru giggled in her usual manner and sat down next to me on our couch. She scooted closer to my body and rested her head against my shoulder. She was always doing this sort of thing. We own a large plush couch, but she always sat right next to me, curled up against my side affectively trapping me between the arm of the couch and her body. I suppose there's nothing wrong with showing affection toward your best friend, but I only wish that it didn't affect me so deeply. Even the occasional brush of her hand as she rested it atop my thigh when we drove was enough to send a warm shock all through my system. Long ago I became comfortable with my attraction towards women…it was wanting to ravish my best friend that was the problem.

"You seem quiet today, is there anything on your mind?" Michiru asked, gazing at me with concern in her eyes.

_ Many, many indecent things. _"No, nothing really." I replied giving her a small smile. It was then that I noticed how deeply tired she looked. "Are you okay? You look exhausted."

She afforded me a smile of her own and again placed her head against my shoulder. "I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed," she said honestly playing idly with my uniform's tie, "but I'm alright. Being with you relaxes me." As she said this she ran her open-palm along the entirety of my tie, inadvertently rubbing my chest in a tender caress. _Relaxed?_ I thought to myself, _the last thing I feel is relaxed. _ My entire body was tense and aware of every place that Michiru and I touched. From the head nestled against my shoulder to the hands that came to rest in my lap.

I swallowed and tried to shift in a way that would allow myself more space, but we ended up with my arm wrapped around Michiru's shoulder and her face now buried in the crook of my neck. Every time she sighed contently I felt as if my body was going to combust from want. The more she relaxed against me, the tenser my body became. I squeezed my legs together as subtly as I could to try and relieve myself of some of the pressure building up inside of me. Grabbing the remote, I decided that I needed to find a way to distract myself from the octopus of affection that my dear friend had become. Fortunately, we had cable, so I was positive that I would find some movie to watch that would take my mind of my current predicament. _Let's see, let's see, how about…Sex in the City? No, definitely not that. What's The L Word? Maybe it will be goo--NO! Not that one either. _This wasn't helping me, since when did the media become such a cauldron of desire? I put the remote on the arm of the chair and rubbed my hand against my eyes. This was no good, I needed to relax_. Maybe a good run will help_. I turned my head to ask Michiru to move.

"Michiru, I'm going to go…" my sentence died on my lips. _This is not good._ Michiru had fallen asleep, a not uncommon occurrence and looked to blissful for me to move her. I gazed at her long and hard, basking in the time I had to simply observe her unobserved. True, I wanted her physically, but not near the some level that I wanted her soul. I loved this girl desperately, and that may one day put both our lives in danger.

"Michiru," her name escaped me in the form of a sigh, the sound enough to cause her to adjust her position a bit. _Uh-oh. _My eyes widened to almost comical amounts for in her shifting the loose robe she wore had slipped off her shoulder…clearly exposing a perfectly rounded breast to my prying eyes. I snapped my eyes up towards the ceiling. _Damn my luck for finding fortunate angles!_ I cursed briefly in my mind. It was bad enough having to watch her run around in a mini-skirt, flexing as she battled the monsters that heralded our duty. She really did have amazing legs. They looked soft, but belied a power and authority that only she could possess while managing to give off the essence of elegance. _Essence of elegance? I've got it bad._ I chanced a glance down again to see if my active imagination had just gotten the better of me, and was again rewarded with the site of Michiru's pale, inviting breast. I left my gaze drift to her shoulder which looked so soft that I couldn't help but run my hand along it, just to see if her skin was as silken as I imagined it to be. In response to my simple gesture, Michiru left out a soft, whimpering sigh against my neck and wrapped her arms more securely around my waist, pressing the exposed breast against me.

I swallowed thickly and tried, in vain, to regain some composure. _Nowhere in the code of friendship does it say: Permission to oogle when convenient. _Okay, things were simple enough, all I had to do was lift the edge of Michiru's robe back over her shoulder, affectively covering her body and banishing this image from my mind. _Yeah, right._ I thought to myself, _like I will ever get this out of my head. _

I raised my hand and ran the robe back up her shoulder and giving her back some decency. _Decency? There's nothing decent about the fact that I have everything I want in my arms and yet miles from my touch._ The robe was smooth in my hand and I couldn't help running my hand down the length of her arm and back up it, this innocent caress only fueling the not-so-innocent passions that were within me. Michiru, in her dream state, seemed to approve of my touch and cooed sleepily and gripped me closer to her.

_ Okay, Haruka, that's enough for one day. You need to get yourself out of this mess before you do something that you regret. _I was entirely too content to sit here in this false embrace and let myself pretend that we were both aware of what was going on. Instead, I just felt like a pervert who was taking advantage of this sleeping figure. I didn't want to just jump up and run to take a cold shower, however. I'm sure that Michiru would have been upset to be awoken and I wanted her to rest as much as she needed.

Michiru's mouth opened and sighed hotly against my neck sending pleasure and heat shooting through my body.

_ Okay. I really need to move. _

As if a sign from heaven, I was broken out of my reverie by the sound of the phone ringing. _Praise be! _My heart soared. _Now I can just get up and run to pick up the phone! Michiru can't possibly be upset about that. _Both thankful and disheartened at the prospect of leaving the couch I looked around to find our portable phone._ I'll just get up to…pick up the phone…which is sitting right next to me. _The ringing object lay not a foot away from my arm, easily within reach, thus crushing any proper cause for escape. I closed my eyes and lay my head against the back of the couch ignoring the sound of the phone ringing and began to conjure up a new plan to alleviate myself of this blissful circumstance I was in. Why was I so afraid to just sit here? Wasn't it enough to provide Michiru the comfort she needed? Was I really so selfish that because I simply couldn't control the lust within me I would be a lesser friend?

My thoughts and self-admonishing were both cut off by the feel of a heavy, but not unpleasant weight in my lap. My head jerked up as I saw Michiru straddle my legs and roughly grab the phone out of its charger and press it against her ear.

"Hello," she said sharply into the device locking her eyes onto mine as she spoke into the receiver, "yes…no, we're content with our current long distance provider…"

I stopped listening as I felt my whole body stiffen. Michiru was sitting on my lap, her bothersome robe riding high onto her thighs barely covering her body from my eyes. _You and me robe, we have issues._ I thought bitterly, glaring at the offensively small material which had been the source of all my frustration. Well, to be fair, it was the body the robe was failing to conceal that was causing me so much angst. But nothing is far in lust and war.

"…thank you. Goodbye." Michiru had finished her phone call and shifted slightly to place the phone onto the couch. She folded her arms across her chest and sent me a rather stern look. "Haruka, why didn't you just pick up the phone? I was sleeping and it woke me up."

I briefly registered that she was addressing me, but my mind was far from the ability to converse as I watched the movements of her arms with interest.

"I'm up here, Haruka."

Blushing furiously, I glanced briefly at her face, which now had a slightly amused look to it, and then refocused my eyes onto my hands which I brought before me. I began to analyze the dire condition that my fingernails were in. _I think I'm biting them too much._ Michiru, not pleased with my distraction, grabbed my hands and placed them firmly on her legs forcing my gaze to meet her own. I felt as if my senses were on overdrive because all I could think about was the sensation of her legs beneath my hands.

"Haruka! What's going on with you? You seem so distracted. The phone was ringing and you just ignored it." Michiru looked mildly concerned as she said all this. "Are you alright? You look flushed."

"Uh…" I managed to stammer out, "I'm fine…it's just…" I fumbled for words again trying to think of something besides the feel of the woman sitting on my lap, the smoothness of the legs beneath my hands, the distractingly loose fit of the robe that was exposing her slender neck to me, and the subsequent ache between my legs that followed these things. "…I have…performance anxiety?" I offered trying my best to smile but in all likelihood just looking confused.

"Performance anxiety?" Michiru asked, barely containing the escape of her signature giggle. A quiet moment passed and she raised her hands from atop my own to cradle my face. She looked rather thoughtful for a moment, before a flash of mischief lit up her eyes. She leaned into me and breathed heavily against my ear, "Does this…anxiety affect all areas that require you to…perform?"

My response was a gulp, as she toyed with the hairs on the back of my neck. She tilted her head back to lock her eyes with my own before scooting higher onto my lap and gracing my lips with the barest whisper of a kiss. With that simple action, my resolve crumbled. I gripped her hips and pulled her body flush against my own before crushing my lips to hers. Our kisses were heated; I tried to convey all the emotions and frustration that had built up within these months in that kiss. The feel of her soft, willing mouth against my own was enough to make me whimper into her. She responded in kind arching her body against me pressing her breasts into mind as she deepened our kiss.

Then she stilled all movement and pulled back with a curious look on her face. Still dazed from our kisses, I blinked up at her wondering if I had pushed too fast or read her wrong. "What's wrong?"

Her countenance again resolute, she firmly gripped my chin in one hand and kissed me firmly. She ran her tongue along the inside of my lips before pressing it deeper into my mouth. As she kissed me, I wondered why she was acting so desperately. Suddenly, I was struck with realization. My heart filled with tenderness as I thought, _Oh, my Michiru, are you trying to memorize our first kiss? My darling! You're such a helpless romantic, and I, your willing slave. _My thoughts of eternal devotion were cut off when she sharply pulled away from me and once again braced her arms across her chest. Expecting to see her on the verge of tears with endearing emotions, I was shocked to find her face almost icy. She opened her mouth and spoke very slowly.

"Haruka…have you been eating cookies?"

I felt my heart plummet into my stomach as I realized how much trouble I was going to be in.

"Cookies? What? Where? No! Of course not!" I tried to send her what I had hoped to be a flirtatious grin and said, "You have all the sweetness that I need."

She just laughed as she replied, "Nice try."

I pouted and she playfully ruffled my hair and leaned her head against my chest. She sighed as she spoke, "It's too bad you've spoiled your dessert…"

"Michiru, I haven't spoiled anything," I said sagely, "Besides, I know that you don't let me have dessert except for on the weekends!" I said smiling proudly, well, as proudly as one could smile when the previous sentence told how truly, and utterly whipped they were.

She hopped off my lap and my eyes drifted to her hips as she sauntered away. She called over her shoulder, "What made you think I was talking about that kind of _dessert_?"

_ Oh, _I thought to myself, _now Michiru has control over my supply of sweets and sex. _

There were many disadvantages to living with the woman you're in love with. For one, when you mess up, your consequences are a whole lot worse.

AN: Happy day! My fic is done. I hope you read it…and had some fun! Um…more rhymes go here.


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